Time:

Born 1582 — Died 1663.

Place:

Angola, Africa.

Also known as:

King Jinga.

Not known as:

Someone who could take a joke.

Claim to fame:

She was an African warrior queen who through both war and diplomacy held at bay one of the greatest colonial powers, Portugal.

She was also brutal and very eager to make a gory show out of killing her enemies, sometimes drinking their blood.

She also liked to think of herself as a king, and she dressed as a man. She required many of her male servants to dress as women.

Typical headline if on 10 o'clock news:

Fierce Woman Warrior Crushes Colonial Superpower.

After the Break: Do Cell Phones Make Your Ears Hairy? Channel 9 investigates.

Likely to say:

Anything she wanted to.

Unlikely to say:

"Ask not what Portugal can do for you — ask what you can do for Portugal."

Who would play Jinga in a movie?

Halle Berry or Jada Pinkett Smith.

Who would not play Jinga in a movie?

Hilary Duff.

Favorite ice cream:

Frozen zebra.